Overcoming Revenge - Kingdom Living
Matt Kowalewski
Sunday Morning’s Message – 18th October 2026
Message on Awaken YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ1lllucDYs
Theme:
In Matthew 5:38–42, Jesus challenges us to break the cycle of revenge and retaliation by responding to others with humility, forgiveness and generosity. Through His grace and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, we can choose the way of the Kingdom, reflecting Jesus in our relationships even when it costs us something
Leader Guide:
Please choose what best suits your group and fits the time well. You do not need to discuss every question. Create your own questions that fit your group. Choose two or three areas to discuss. Make sure you include the closing thought.
Have fun, Jesus people!
Connect group Discussion
Read together Matthew 5:38-42
Introduction
Jesus calls us to live differently from the world. In Matthew 5:38–42, He challenges us to move beyond retaliation and revenge and instead respond with humility, forgiveness and generosity.
When someone hurts, insults or takes advantage of us, our natural response may be to fight back, prove we are right or hold on to resentment. We might withdraw from a relationship, give someone the silent treatment or look for a way to make them feel the hurt we have experienced. Yet Jesus invites us to respond differently. He calls us to break the cycle of retaliation rather than allow someone else's actions to determine our response.
Jesus isn't asking us to be passive or to ignore injustice. Instead, He shows us a different way of responding that reflects the heart of God. We can stand for what is right without seeking revenge, establish healthy boundaries without hatred, and choose forgiveness even when reconciliation isn't possible.
We don't live this way to earn God's favour. Through faith in Jesus, we become a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). As we surrender our hearts to Him, the Holy Spirit transforms us to become more like Jesus, helping us choose humility over pride, forgiveness over resentment and generosity over selfishness.
Opening discussion questions
Read Matthew 5:38–42.
What stands out to you in Jesus' teaching? Why do you think responding with grace rather than revenge can be so difficult?
Think about how our natural reactions can differ from the way Jesus calls us to live. What might a Kingdom response look like in an everyday situation where someone has offended or hurt us?
Justice Verse Revenge
There is a difference between seeking justice and wanting revenge. Justice asks, “How can this wrong be made right?” Revenge asks, “How can I make them pay for what they have done?”
Discussion Questions
How can we recognise when our desire for justice has turned into a desire for revenge? What part can unresolved anger, pride or resentment play in this?
Choosing forgiveness
Read together Romans 12:19.
Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending that nothing happened, excusing someone's behaviour or immediately restoring a relationship. Reconciliation also requires a willingness from both parties to work towards restoration
Discussion Questions
Paul encourages us not to take revenge but to leave room for God's judgment. What does it mean to release our desire for revenge and trust God with the situation?
Why can it be difficult to forgive someone who has genuinely wronged us?
How might releasing resentment bring freedom to our own hearts, even if the other person never apologises?
Turning the other cheek
Read together 1 Peter 3:9.
Jesus challenges us not to repay evil with evil or insult with insult. Sometimes our pride makes us want to have the last word, defend our reputation or prove that we are right.
Biblically, turning the other cheek means refusing to retaliate when someone insults or wrongs us. Jesus calls us to respond with humility and self-control rather than returning insult for insult or allowing pride and revenge to control our hearts.
It doesn't mean being a doormat or accepting abuse. Rather, it means trusting God with our identity and choosing a response that reflects His character, even when someone treats us unfairly.
Discussion Questions
What might turning the other cheek look like in a marriage, friendship, family relationship or workplace?
How can we respond with humility without becoming passive or allowing someone to continue hurting us?
Responding with Generosity
Read together Luke 6:35.
Jesus calls us to love our enemies, do good to them and lend without expecting anything in return. This challenges our natural tendency to hold tightly to what we have or give only to those who treat us well.
Discussion Questions
What are some practical ways we can show generosity towards people who have disappointed, offended or taken advantage of us?
How might generosity change our own heart, regardless of how the other person responds?
Going the Extra Mile
In Matthew 5:41, Jesus teaches His followers to go the extra mile rather than simply doing the bare minimum when compelled to serve.
In Jesus’ day, Roman soldiers could force people to carry their equipment for a mile. Under Roman occupation, this was a reminder of their lack of freedom and could easily create resentment. Jesus challenged His followers to go beyond what was demanded of them, choosing a willing and generous response rather than serving with bitterness. Kingdom living means choosing to serve with the right heart, even when it costs us time, comfort or convenience.
Discussion Questions
How can remembering our identity as children of God help us serve with the right attitude rather than resentment?
What is one practical example of going the extra mile in your home, workplace, church or community this week?
Breaking the Cycle of Injustice
Read together 1 John 3:17.
Jesus calls us to be people who see a need and respond with compassion. Rather than allowing the hurt we have experienced to shape how we treat others, we can choose to respond with the love of Christ.
Discussion Questions
How can we avoid passing our hurt on to other people?
What opportunities do we have to meet someone's practical, emotional or spiritual needs through our time, encouragement, generosity or support?
Becoming more like Jesus
Read together 2 Corinthians 5:17.
Following Jesus isn't about waking up one morning and becoming perfect. It's about allowing Him to transform us as we make choices throughout each day. When we put our faith in Jesus, we become a new creation. Our old ways of thinking and responding no longer have to define us. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, God continues to shape our hearts, attitudes and actions to become more like Jesus.
This is especially important when we feel hurt, insulted or treated unfairly. Our natural response might be anger, pride or a desire to get even, but Jesus invites us to respond differently. As we grow in Him, we learn to choose forgiveness over revenge, humility over pride and generosity over resentment. We don't change to earn God's love; we change because His love and grace are transforming us from the inside out.
How does knowing that we are a new creation in Christ change the way we respond when we feel hurt, insulted or treated unfairly? Where do you need the Holy Spirit's help to become more like Jesus in your relationships?
Putting It into Practice
Take a few moments to reflect personally:
Is there any anger, resentment or unforgiveness I need to bring before God?
Is my pride stopping me from apologising, forgiving or taking a step towards peace?
Is there someone I could respond to with unexpected kindness or generosity this week?
What is one practical step I can take to break the cycle of retaliation and reflect the character of Jesus?
(Leeder: If applicable) You don't need to share anything that feels too personal, but consider sharing one practical action you would like to take this week.
Remember, forgiveness does not mean accepting abuse or ignoring injustice. We can establish healthy boundaries, protect the vulnerable and seek appropriate help while refusing to let revenge rule our hearts.
Closing Thought
Kingdom living means choosing the way of Jesus, even when it costs us something.
The world tells us to get even, defend our pride and make others pay for what they have done. Jesus calls us to something different. Through His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, we can choose forgiveness over revenge, humility over pride and generosity over resentment.
Jesus demonstrated this love most powerfully through the cross. He overcame the power of sin and death, opening the way for us to receive new life in Him. As we grow in our relationship with Jesus, we can trust Him with our hurts and allow His character to shape the way we treat others.
This week, ask yourself: Am I responding out of my hurt and pride, or am I responding in a way that reflects Jesus?
Prayer together
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